Insert Random Distraction Here
by Mei1105
Summary: Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society fic. Harriet returns to the Library with her unconscious friend, only to find her intentions to research the recent Mary-Sue are being thwarted by an invasion of the most unlikely variety.


**Disclaimer: **I own no Society agents but myself. Nor do I own any Doctor Who villains.

**A/N: **This takes place right after Insert Ancient Cro Magnon Civilisation Here. And I mean "right after" as in immediately where we left off.

I don't own part of Tash's hallucination – Master of the Library wrote the last bit of it. I fail at so many things...

And yes, a gag at the bottom belongs to LittleKuriboh...I don't actually own that much of this fic to be honest.

Thanks to Isis the Sphinx for betaing!

* * *

**Insert Random Distraction Here**

A portion of wall shattered with an echoing boom, and Harriet coughed, waving her free hand in front of her face to try and clear the dust which clouded her vision. She had Tash in a fireman's lift, over one shoulder, secured with her other arm, and praying that she had heard wrong...or better yet, that she was dreaming. There was no way, in hell that she had walked back into the Library, and heard what she thought she had heard...

"_Locate the humans. Secure the building. Exterminate all threats..."_

Yup...there was no mistaking that synthesised voice.

Harriet rounded the corner, and shrieked loudly as she ran into a warm solid body. The grunt of pain was instantly recognisable, and sent relief through her body. It was Michael, with the rest of the flustered Society right behind him.

"I'm going to need a really good explanation in the next five seconds!" Harriet insisted, waving her cricket bat threateningly to emphasise this threat.

"I fell on a Plot Device!" Emily explained quickly. "It opened a Plothole and summoned loads of Doctor Who villains to the Library! I'm sorry Harriet!"

She looked so devastated that Harriet's irritation drained completely away. She lowered her cricket bat and patted the youngest Society member on the head.

"Its okay Emily. It was an accident."

Emily promptly ruined her guilty appearance by turning around and sticking her tongue out childishly at everyone who had told her off since the beginning of the chaos.

Michael was about to ask what had happened to his big sister, who was still draped inert over Harriet's shoulder. But another explosion and a cloud of dust heralded the group of Daleks wheeling themselves around the corridor corner like dustbins of doom. Michael, and the other agents who were not struck still by fear, seized those that were and dragged them through the nearest door and into the main reading room.

"We're trapped," Tyler summarised, starting to wonder if Dalek's were edible.

"Wonderful move leaders..." Drake muttered sarcastically.

"If you don't have anything helpful to say..." Emily began. She was interrupted, by Claire biffing pinecones at the pair of them to stop their arguing.

"Back here!" Harriet waved everyone over to the massive four seat sofa which dominated the room. She and Michael were crouched behind it like some kind of deformed shield. Understanding immediately, Emily, Rhia and all the British agents present, raced to join them. The American's remained where they stood.

"Its a sofa..." Kyle was now concerned for the leader's mental stability. Harriet placed her hands on her hips, as another explosion sounded from outside.

"Yes, its a sofa, Kyle. Now get back here!"

"Its upholstery!" Marcus split himself in frustration, his Thought half continuing the sentence. "H-how is t-t-that g-going to p-protect us f-f-from d-death rays?"

"Every British person knows!" Harriet declared. "When there are Daleks around, you hide behind the sofa!"

"Yes, when they're on TV!" Willie argued. "In real life-"

BANG!

The wall behind them shook dangerously, and several agents screamed.

"Just do it!" Michael barked. "That's an order!"

"WHO DIED AND MADE YOU BOSS?" Emotion Marcus roared.

There was a stony silence, and even their attackers seemed to have quietened down. Thought Marcus, realising all too clearly the implications of what his other half had just said, began to try and blurt out an apology. Michael however was not going to wait for it, fixing Emotion Marcus with the coldest glare anyone had ever seen on his face. It was darker than anything the Darkness could have conjured up.

"Thank whatever God you pray to, Marcus, that Tash was not awake to hear you say that," the Chief Agent whispered.

The moment was broken, as bookcases in the corridor were blasted, and the room shook. Harriet raised her voice.

"Sofa! Now!" she ordered.

Deciding at least that the sofa would be an obstacle if nothing else, the agents fled behind the furniture. The dust began to settle, and then was blown back up again as the wall was demolished completely by another energy blast from a death ray.

For all that they resembled dustbins on wheels, the Daleks projected an air of menace which was enough to make all the agents shiver in fear. Three of them entered in a V formation, their eye stalks swinging around to survey their surroundings. None of the agents even dared to breathe as the empty glowing blue eyes focused on the only shield between the agents and certain death.

All three Daleks seemed to recoil a little as they registered the furniture.

"_Sofa detected."_ One of them droned.

"_Retreat. Retreat." _Another called, and all three of them backed off, out of the room fearfully, and continued down the corridor.

"...I cannot believe that worked," Marcus muttered, as he remerged into one person. Harriet felt the sofa's cleaning label on the bottom, and displayed it proudly to the agents.

"Made in Britain!" she declared proudly.

OOO

"Found it yet, Phoenixia?" Valerie had pulled back one of Tash's eyelids and was examining the eye beneath. Her pupils were dilated and she was breathing as though in a deep sleep. Harriet was hovering nervously at the end of the bed, not wanting to get too close and get in Valerie's way, but not wanting to be too far away from her friend either.

"Yup," Phoenixia, perched on the next bed of the wing, mentally going over all medical resources that the Library had to offer. "Datura stramonium. Anticholinergic. Her heart rate and temperature are both elevated, right?"

Valerie nodded. "Cross referenced with the fandom?"

The ex-hologram nodded. "Datura is used commonly in the Earths Children fandom. They use it as an anaesthetic or hallucinogenic mostly, which is completely inaccurate, since it doesn't induce hallucinations, but delirium instead."

"Is she going to be okay?" Harriet begged the answer she really wanted. The idea of her friend trapped in a hallucination was not one she wanted to entertain any longer.

Phoenixia swung herself off the bed.

"She will be. We've got the appropriate antidotes on hand. I'll be back in a bit."

She hurried off, and Valerie slipped an arm around Harriet's shoulders.

"She'll be okay Hati. She'll probably just sleep for a while...though she probably won't feel that great when she wakes up. Particularly when she finds out that we've got most of the villains of Doctor Who trashing her Library."

The founder paled. "Yeah...how are we going to explain to her that some of the rooms now have new doorways?"

OOO

Phoenixia could hear the sound of heavy metal footsteps up ahead, and she scowled. In one hand she clutched the bottles of medication she required (Activated Charcoal and Physostigmine), and in the other she quickly secured Incandescent Silverriegn, just in case. She knew Emily hadn't meant to let all these nuisances into the Library, but this was getting annoying now...

Sure enough, as she rounded the corner, she came face to face with a group of five Cybermen, marching loudly toward the medical wing. They stopped as she appeared.

"Delete. Delete." They all chanted in unison, raising their arms. Phoenixia rolled her eyes.

"Oh puh-lease!"

She raised her gun, and pulled the trigger.

OOO

Dave, axe in hand, and glasses wedged firmly against his face, strode down the corridor. Most of the Daleks had headed off in the other direction, so he and a group of agents had split up to search for any other intruders from the accidental Plothole. While the rational side of his mind reminded him that several of these villains could very easily kill him, the fanboy side of his mind was geeking out over the circumstances.

He paused suddenly. There was something very wrong about this corridor.

"Hey Dave!"

The archaeologist looked up to see Tom at the other end, walking quickly and cautiously towards him as he investigated the other end. From the way his arms were positioned, Dave guessed he was armed, though what with he was having trouble seeing. The corridor was very dark and the middle was cloaked in shadow...

"Don't move!" Dave raised his hands suddenly, and Tom screeched to a halt, just beyond the darkness.

"What's wrong?" he asked, allowing a hint of nervousness to creep into his voice, as Dave began patting his pockets.

"Have you got any food?" he asked. More puzzled than worried now, Tom pulled out a sandwich.

"Ham and cheese," he elaborated briefly.

"Take a bit of the ham and throw it in front of you," he instructed.

"What?"

"Just do it!" Dave's voice was urgent. "I'm testing a theory."

Peeling a bit of the meat from the bread, Tom threw it in front of him, his eyes almost popping out from his skull as the meat seemed to evaporate in midair.

"I knew it," Dave muttered. "There are Vashda Nerada in this corridor. That's why its so dark even though there's nothing to cast a shadow in here except us."

The consequences of this send cold chills down both agent's spines. Vashda Nerada were microscopic lifeforms which lurked in shadow for camouflage, and devoured flesh like piranhas. Edging carefully and quickly around the darkness, Tom scurried to Dave's side.

"Thanks," he muttered. "I think we should try another route, and warn everyone to stay out of the shadows."

"I concur," Dave nodded, before adding sheepishly. "Sorry I ruined your sandwich."

OOO

_It was dark...and cold...and she couldn't move._

_Tilting her head down she could see glittering crystal, sculpted around her. Someone had frozen her legs, body and arms in ice. Sharp needles of pain lanced through her limbs as the circulation was cut painfully off to retain body temperature. As she tried to twitch her finger, it gave no response. She was trapped._

_The vague thought that she should melt the ice with her flames, floated across the back of her mind. But her mind quickly banished it, and she forgot she even had powers. She forgot who she was, in that strange way you do when you're dreaming. At least she thought this was a dream...but as soon as that thought surface, it too was dispelled from her mind without a second thought._

_A woman was standing before her. Long raven coloured hair, a curvaceous body, a black clothes, two kodachi clutched in each hand...exactly as she had seen her last. When she had kidnapped her and almost killed him. The ice seemed to enclose tighter around her body, as if sensing her desire to burn free and destroy the woman before her._

_She was aware at that moment that they were no longer in darkness. They were in that building where Death had attacked, agents lying scattered, bruised, broken and bleeding on the ground. She recognised the fight. Only Valerie still stood, Seiryu blazing, arrows flying one after the other into the target, sinking into flesh but never hindering._

_They were speaking now. She knew what would happen. Valerie would smirk, and Ari would appear. How often had she replayed this fight in her mind? Seen her friends fight and Death..._

_Blood arced across the room, spraying the walls and floor with crimson. The healer's body slumped heavily against the floor._

_No...this wasn't how it was supposed to happen...it couldn't have...Valerie couldn't be..._

_Stonehenge rose high above her, Agent Smith clones pouring down upon the Society, dissolving as they were hacked to pieces by the Counter Guardians, or beaten to the ground by the powerless agents...a chorus of screams as Smith clones descended upon Claire and Miriku, their hands pouring what looked like liquid metal into their bodies, as they shook, jerked and cried beneath them. Jess made a brave attack with her body piercing needle, only to have another clone thrust its hand into her back and begin the process again. Two of the clones were kicked in the chest by a ferocious Rhia, but they were quickly back up, throwing themselves on top of her and crushing her from view..._

_They can't have! Oh Gods no!_

_Michael's body lay bleeding and broken in the ring as the demons watched on, cheering for the death of the human who had finally been beaten. The Dark Tournament ended with Team Toguro's victory, the Stu smirking in triumph as the Society wept over the loss of their friend._

_No...Michael...brother...no..._

_Willowe's vectors extended with frightening speed, and Harriet's chest, stomach and throat were punctured with the invisible hands, blood pouring from the wounds and splattering to the concrete pathway..._

_This can't be...it can't...I..._

"Do not fear."_ A voice, loving, warm, but firm._

"_But..."_

"Do not fear. Accept it, acknowledge it and then ignore it. It's useless_."_

_The ice melted away as she felt a warm body press against her from behind, one arm around her waist._

"Fear makes your sword weak...acting out of fear is the same as admitting defeat_."_

_Something soft and furry wound its way around her waist as his breath stirred the loose bits of her hair. _"To protect someone..."

"_...you must be the shield that cuts." She finished the phrase automatically, remembering how he taught those words to her so long ago, and as she finished it, the darkness and cold weakened slightly._

"To defeat someone..."

"_...you must be the sword that brings the end." The darkness and cold fell away even more, and somehow, her sword was in her hand, bringing the weapon up across her shoulder._

"To find victory..."

"_...you must remember those you love!" Then they swung the sword down together and light leaped from the burnt-orange blade, shredding through the darkness into millions of scraps. The light became blinding and she felt him smile and his lips on hers briefly..._

_And then Tash woke._

OOO

"Harriet!" Jess's voice was shrill as she ran after Marcus, not daring at all to look back. "We need help and we need it fast!"

She screamed as a set of clawed fingers almost succeeded in taking her head off. Only a timely save by Marcus prevented this, as the umbrella was opened right in their pursuer's face. Three gashes were ripped in the fabric, and Marcus hastily abandoned his favourite weapon, knowing that it wasn't worth losing his life to retrieve it.

"Tasty little humans," the Slitheen purred as the chase resumed. "You'll be all the more succulent with all that adrenalin..."

"Buggeration!" Jess cursed. "Of all bad guys, we had to get the green slimy one who like the taste of humans!"

Something small and metal flashed above their heads, as Cristoph materialised out of the shadows before them. The shuriken sank into the Slitheen's ample gut, causing it to halt for a moment to pull them out.

"Well that was a fail," Marcus said snarkily to the ninja.

"It wasn't supposed to succeed!" he snapped back testily, as the door behind them exploded open and Rhia raced out of her kitchen, a bucket clutched under one arm.

"Eat this!" she cried, tossing the contents of the bucket over the stationary alien. Liquid splashed over the Slitheen, and a strong smell of vinegar filled the corridor. There was a nasty hissing sound from the calcite based lifeform, before it exploded violently, sending guts and green slime splattering over the humans.

None of them moved for a while, green goo dripping to the floor from their clothes and hair. Then Rhia sheepishly broke the silence.

"Oops...forgot how completely gross this would be."

OOO

"Harriet!" Emily wailed, as she raced into the Medical Wing. Usually she kept her voice down when she entered this room, for fear of bugging Valerie or the patients. But circumstances now were not normal, and so she raced to her guardian's side and hugged her tightly, her eyes filling with tears.

"If everyone keeps screaming your name like this when we begin scenes, people are going to start getting the wrong idea," Phoenixia commented, her eyebrows wriggling in an appropriately naughty fashion. The Library gave a shake as the fourth wall was broken, and the drip which had been fed into Tash's arm went toppling to the floor along with its stand. Valerie shot Phoenixia a quick reprimanding glare.

"You're cleaning that up," she informed her, pointing at the shattered glass, and liquid that was now seeping all over the floor.

"I just did something stupid!" the eleven year old girl explained, removing her head from the region of Harriet's stomach, which from the Leader's position sat on Tash's bed, was the best part she could reach.

"Yeah...we kinda noticed that..." Phoenixia quipped. Emily shook her head rapidly.

"No no no, I mean I've made things worse!" she took a deep breath, and held up a smoking Plot Device. "I tried to fix all these villains by using another Plot Device..."

"Oh God..." Harriet groaned.

Right on cue, a troop of Daleks entered the room. Unlike the ones from earlier, which were a bright goldish bronze colour, these Daleks were various colours of the rainbow.

"Crap! iPod Daleks!" Harriet shrieked, leaping back off the bed, looking desperately for a sofa. There was no need however, as the Dalek's made no move to attack. What they said however, was equally frightening.

"_Have you updated your iTunes_?" the front most Dalek (the white one) demanded, its synthesised voice deep and commanding.

Harriet and Valerie's jaws dropped, while Phoenixia lowered Incandescent Silverriegn in disbelief.

"_Update! Update_!" the blue one chanted angrily.

"Okay!" Phoenixia held up her hands to stall their approach, and closed her eyes. A moment later, she reopened them again. "There. I updated it!"

"_Thank you."_ The white and blue Daleks backed away slightly, while the black one turned its eyestalk to survey Harriet.

"_Why are you filming me?" _it asked. Harriet squeaked, as she realised it was talking to her, and drew back slightly, a guilty expression on her face. She did not however, lower her phone.

"I'm sorry mister Dalek," she apologised.

"_Hello viewers on youtube_," the Dalek spoke to the phone now.

Emily sweatdropped. She knew her Plot Device had gone wrong, but she didn't think it had gone _this _badly warped...

"We _must locate the Apple headquarters_," the supreme Dalek stated. "_All units retreat_."

As the infamous villains of Doctor Who filed out, the hospital's occupants could hear the black Dalek humming gleefully to itself.

"_I'm going on youtube_..."

Silence filled the room. Valerie and Phoenixia exchanged looks, unsure of whether to be horrified or to laugh. Harriet was doing as instructed, and uploading the video to facebook and youtube via her phone. Emily prodded the Plot Device, and wondered where it had gone wrong.

"...man, talk about tuning in at the wrong moment..." Tash groaned.

OOO

There was a strange electronic sound which filled the Library, and a wave of energy coursed through the room, spreading out into the corridors beyond, and through the whole building. When it dissipated, Jared's voice echoed through the rooms.

"We are now Vashda Nerada free everyone! Keep fighting!"

Louise and Alice were attempting to clean up the mess in the main reading room. Most of the big Doctor Who villains had been beaten, or sent back to the proper fandom by means of Jared's mass plothole generator. Unfortunately it could only lock onto one species at a time, so progress was slow. There were definitely some Daleks still around (for both girls had seen them), and who knew what else had come through the plothole? But for now, things were quietening down again.

Both girls had arrived in the room with dustpan, brush, duster, vacuumed cleaner and bin bags, in an attempt to make the place clean again. However both had quickly abandoned this task in favour of the Wii. Upon hearing Jared's voice, they both cheered, and dimmed the lights that they had been using to ensure that no shadows were cast in the room.

"Y'don't think we should maybe do some work?" Alice asked, prodding the Wii Remote at the television as she selected her first game. Louise looked around the room, noting the dust that had settled on all the furniture, and the books which lay where they had tumbled from the shelves. She shrugged.

"Eh. The Library might clean itself again. We'll give it half an hour, and if it hasn't, we'll start cleaning."

Nodding in agreement, and knowing that procrastination was both their middle names, Alice toed the Balance Board closer to the television, finally picking her game.

"_Waaaait..." _The Balance Board instructed, before chiming in its cute, squeaky voice. "_Step on me!"_

Grinning, Alice bounced onto the Balance Board, and waited for it to take her measurements.

"_Ouch!"_ the Balance Board exclaimed. "_You are too fat!"_

Alice's jaw dropped. "I beg your pardon?" she asked. Hearing this, Louise leaped to her feet and moved to her friend's side.

"_You are too fat," _the Balance Board repeated, its high pitched, melodic voice sounding smug and happy as it spoke. "_Please get off me. You will damage me."_

The words sent Alice's self esteem plummeting to a new low. Only Louise was quick enough to notice the row of silver hearts which scrolled their way across the screen like a newsreel. She erupted.

"DAMN IT (a)," she shrieked, pushing Alice off the Balance Board, before picking the device up and shaking it as though this could hurt the Sue. Mocking laughter appeared through the television, and the silver hearts blossomed all over the screen.

"_She has a point you know,"_ a snarky voice commented from behind Alice.

"SHUT UP MISTY!"

OOO

Miriku could feel sweat building on her forehead. Her fingertips had gone cold, as adrenalin fuelled blood was pumped away from her unneeded limbs and into the muscles that would aid her in fighting or running away. Oh how she wished this was an enemy she could run from. But it was too fast, and the second she looked away, the second she blinked, she would be dead.

Never breaking her eyes from her enemy, she reached for her communicator and felt for the right number. Her eyes watered, and her hands shook, but her voice was surprisingly calm when she spoke.

"Aniki? There's an angel down here..."

OOO

When the Counter Guardians entered the medical wing, they were in the mood for answers. Their short walk through the Library had been filled with broken bookshelves, flaming books, holes in the wall that weren't there during their last visit, and a few doors blasted from their hinges. None of them knew quite what to make of this, but there was only one person they could get answers from.

Valerie sat on Tash's bed, holding the Librarian's head in one hand, and trying to help Tash clear the effects of the drug from her system. Tash couldn't help but notice something odd about Valerie's behaviour ever since she woke up – throughout her cautious check overs she had a strange expression on her face – torn between anxiety, fear, and bursting at the seams with excitement. The Librarian was not sure what to make of this, but right now it was hard to make sense of anything with the drug in her system.

"Its no good Val," Tash groaned, pulling away and cradling her head in her hands. "The sluggishness is gone, but now I have a headache..."

She lifted her head, and spotted the Counter Guardians in the doorway.

"Great..." she muttered. "As usual guys, your timing is impeccable..."

"Dare I enquire Miss Marquand, just why the Library has new doorways?" Aramayis asked, gesturing to the corridor behind them, which now had a nice hole in the wall that connected the Aztec history room to the Oceanography room.

"Don't..." Tash cradled her head in her hands. "Just don't...and for the love of Cthulhu stop calling me 'Miss Marquand'. Only the taxmen call me that."

The answer to Aramayis's question came in the form of one lone, golden Dalek trundling through the door of the Medical Wing, dented, scratched, but otherwise still functioning.

"_Exterminate! Exter-"_

The familiar whistling sound of something falling at terminal velocity interrupted, and everyone raised their heads just in time to see a nuclear warhead spinning gracefully toward the Dalek.

"_Problem detecte..._" was all the Dalek managed to get out, before it was instantly vaporised in a flash of white light. Everyone covered their eyes and ducked for cover, but the explosion was thankfully contained by the one responsible.

"Sorry!" Ben called through the doorway. "That one got away from me!"

No one was sure whether he was referring to the Dalek or the nuke, but he raced off again before anyone could ask him for an update on the situation.

"We do have a small outbreak of Doctor Who villains running around the Library," Phoenixia admitted, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly as though she were the one responsible.

"You don't fancy helping us clear them out, do you?" Tash asked hopefully. Saito snorted.

"A task that simple should be no problem for the Librarian...maybe Adrian's trust was misplaced in you."

"Tell me Saito," Harriet stood, hands on both hips, her most angered expression on her face. "Can you sew?"

The Counter Guardian blinked in surprise, at the seemingly random question. "Yes..."

"Oh good," Harriet smiled before her face twisted in a bitter expression. "Stitch this!"

And with a sickening crack, she thrust her cricket bat upwards into his jaw. Saito staggered backwards, clutching his injury. To give him credit, he did not cry out in pain, merely raised his head enough to glare at the leader. But he didn't do anything. He knew deep down that his comment had been below the belt, added to which, Harriet's glare told him that if he even thought about fighting back, she would hit somewhere far more precious to him next time.

From somewhere in her handbag (which Harriet had discarded under the bed next to her own), Tash's communicator buzzed loudly. She reached for it, but realised quickly that turning her head upside down was a very bad idea. Harriet dove for it instead, fishing it out of the pocket and handing it to her friend.

"Aneki?" Michael's face was frantic, and his voice was punctuated by harsh breathing as he ran as fast as he could through the corridors of the Library.

"What's wrong?" Tash asked, trying to rub the headache away.

"Miriku...Weeping Angel..."

The Librarian froze.

"Where?"

"British History section...you're closer than me, and faster..."

He didn't need to explain anymore. All traces of Tash's weakness vanished, as she hung up, seized her pendant, and flash stepped from the room before anyone could stop her.

"Tash!" Valerie's protest was lost to the corridor.

"You're not well!" Harriet screeched. She grabbed her handbag and was about to run after her friend, when her own communicator began to ring.

"What?" she barked down it.

"Jeeze, sorry Hati!" Claire's voice was huffy at the leader's tone of voice. Harriet reigned her temper in.

"No I'm sorry Claire. Bad timing. What's wrong?"

"There's a Gary-Stu in the YuGiOh fandom," Claire informed her. From the glowing computer screens behind her, Harriet guessed that Claire was in the Monitor Room. "In all the chaos no one noticed him, and he's gone up to level five now..."

Harriet's eyes cast around the room. They couldn't let a level five Stu go unchecked, and the information had reminded her of her own task that she had pushed aside in favour of making sure Tash was okay – she needed to confirm her suspicions about Lisa. If she was right, this could be disastrous for the Society. But she didn't have time for it now. She had a Librarian to chase.

"Phoenixia," she snapped her fingers at the hologram. "Go to the Monitor Room and take this mission. As quickly as possible. We need you back here."

The ex-hologram was hanging up her own communicator, her eyes flickering beneath closed lids, indicating that she was doing something to the Library's computer system. She was done almost instantly and got to her feet.

"Alright. Tash is en route to the British History section. She just called to get me to wipe all the security footage from that section and kill all the cameras. Said it was too risky for some reason..."

Harriet understood immediately, and nodded. "Its because of the Angel. They can project themselves through anything that records their image. You can switch it back on later. For now, go deal with this Stu."

Shouldering her gun, Phoenixia marched from the room, followed by Harriet, who pocketed her communicator, shouldered her bag, and hurried to the door with the intention of getting to the British History section as fast as she could.

"Would you like us to do anything?" Aramayis asked pleasantly. The Society founder glared at them all.

"Why don't you make yourselves useful for a change, instead of hanging here just to take shots at us?"

She threw Saito a particularly dirty look, before racing off.

OOO

Phoenixia had to wonder just how many random Doctor Who related villains Emily had let into the Library. Certainly there couldn't be that many left. Just as she thought that of course, fate conspired to prove her wrong.

The ex-hologram rounded the corner, and immediately ducked back out of sight again, as a familiar group of Daleks blasted one of the bookcases over.

"_You have not purchased the new iPhone_!" the one that spoke sounded highly angered. "_You are enemies of Apple! Exterminate_!"

The sofa, behind which Dave, Tom, Ben and Shirley crouched, took another barrage of energy blasts. Valuing her life, Phoenixia leaped to join them.

"You guys okay?" she asked, pulling Incandescent Silverriegn off her back.

"Yeah, sofa so good," Dave grinned, nodding his head at the furniture. Phoenixia could not help but notice Shirley twitching violently, clearly torn between saving her wrath for the Daleks, and ripping off Dave's beard and shoving it somewhere inappropriate.

"I don't have time for this crap," the hologram muttered, pulling herself over the sofa and blasting the nearest Dalek. With an explosion, the casing was ripped open, and the soft fleshy creature inside was vaporised into atoms. The Dalek next to it was taken out with the second attack, the blast completely obliterating its top half.

"_Extermi-"_ the third one never finished, as with an enraged war cry, Phoenixia pointed her gun and fired again. The final two Daleks of the troop turned on her, death rays raised. Phoenixia faltered for a moment, before a cry went up behind her.

"Ready, settee, go!"

Only Dave would make a pun like that in the middle of battle, the woman realised, darting out of the way as the three agents lifted the sofa, and charged one Dalek, the end of the furniture impacting like a battering ram on the Dalek's casing, knocking it back into the next corridor. Shirley leaped clean over the sofa and landed on the remaining Dalek, her claws making mincemeat out of the metal, and quickly getting to work on the creature within.

"Again!" Dave ordered, and he, Ben and Tom charged once more, knocking the Dalek back again. It fired its weapon in vain, the blast absorbed by the sofa, just as it was charged a third time into its side. The Dalek toppled backwards down the staircase, and landed at the bottom in a heap. The three young men cheered victoriously, dropping the sofa just as Phoenixia appeared.

"And stay down!" she yelled, pulling the trigger venomously.

OOO

Her eyes were stinging, water building on her lower lids, not from pain, but from fear. The creatures face was covered by its hands, its head bowed as though filled with sorrow. It was motionless, as all stone was, firm, indestructible, and powerful. Miriku wasn't going to deny it. She was petrified. Every muscle and nerve in her body was screaming at her to run away, to put as much distance between her and the creature as possible. The part of her mind that was still thinking rationally was yelling at her for being stupid. She could not out run this creature, and it was suicide to try. She couldn't move, couldn't fight, couldn't do anything...

She blinked.

And it moved.

The angel had advanced. Where it had originally stood at the end of the corridor, it had passed the third doorway on the left hand side. Its arms were outstretched towards Miriku, its face turned toward her with an expression so blank that is was creepy.

A frightened whimper burst out of Miriku's throat, and she stumbled backwards, away from the statue, focusing her eyes on its face, but never looking it directly in the eye – that would spell certain death. She couldn't look away. The second she did it would move again, and those arms would reach to encircle her, and its mouth would open to bare fangs...

Something moved in the corner of her eye, and she whipped her head around without thinking.

A second angel was advancing down the corridor on her left, and Miriku knew she was going to die. As soon as she'd moved her head, she realised what she had done, and snapped it back to the first angel. It had moved again, standing barely five feet from her, its lips pulled back into a frozen snarl, teeth sharp and grotesque in stone form.

In that instant Miriku wanted to just close her eyes and cry. She couldn't keep her eye on both angels at once, and even as she tried, her head flicking back and forth between them, they advanced when her back was turned, drawing closer and closer...

A hand wrapped around her head and held it still to one angel. Miriku screamed and tried to twist free until she realised that the arm was not stone, but flesh encased in cloth.

"Its me!" Tash was panting, and Miriku could feel her body sweating, as she pressed against her protectively. Her gaze was fixed on the angel in the left corridor, keeping it stationary, while directing Miriku's face to the other. "Keep looking at that one. I've got this one covered."

"I'm scared Tashy..." Miri cried, wrapping her arms around the leader, her eyes never leaving the angel. As she did she felt her big sister's body shaking.

"So am I..." the Librarian whispered.

"Where's Aniki?"

"On his way. I was closer."

Blurring out of a flash step, Saito skidded to a halt next to them, narrowing his eyes at the two girls, and then at the two angel statues.

"What are you doing?" Tash demanded.

"Making myself useful," was the curt reply – both of them could hear how he ground the words out, and Tash guessed that his jaw may be broken – at the least it was incredibly painful, but he was refusing to show it. "What are these creatures?"

"Weeping Angels," Tash reported, her voice flat to try and disguise the fear that had taken residence there instead. "Keep looking at them. Don't look directly into their eyes, but don't look away from them."

"What happens if you look away?" Saito asked cautiously.

"Depends," the Librarian said. "Either they send you back in time...or..."

"Or?" the Counter Guardian demanded.

"They snap your neck," Miriku filled in, swallowing thickly. "Don't look away. Don't even blink. They're fast...I blinked and it moved from the end of the corridor to past the third door – don't draw your sword, you idiot!"

Saito gave her a despairing look which she did not return. "Why not?"

"Its stone!" Miriku ground out. "You can't stab stone with a katana!"

"Can you melt it?" he directed his questions to Tash now.

"Its stone!" Tash repeated in the same tone. "Even the heat I can produce can't melt that!"

"Tashy, are you okay?" though she was not facing her friend, Miriku could feel the Librarian's body starting to sway on the spot as though she were drunk.

"Fine," was the snappy response.

"Don't look now," Saito informed them, going still. "But there's another one approaching."

Sure enough, a third angel was making its way down the right corridor. Back to back, the two agents and Counter Guardian bunched together.

"Any plans?" Miriku asked, her eyes not leaving her own angel.

"Retreating?" Saito suggested, sheathing his sword.

"We can't outrun them, Saito," Tash snapped. "If we even blink they'll move."

Even as she spoke, the Counter Guardian reflexively closed his eyes. When he opened them, the angel had moved, standing a mere arms length away.

"Don't look it in the eye!" Miriku insisted. "Look anywhere at it but there. They can imprint themselves into your minds if you look them directly in the eye."

Tash's shoulder bumped into Miriku's as the Librarian staggered, a wave of exhaustion and sickness swooping over her. In the second's distraction, the angel moved, and froze again standing only two feet from her, fingertips centimetres from her face, hunger and menace in every inch of its face.

"You were a fool to leave your bed," Saito hissed.

"Shut up," the Librarian retorted. "She's my sister. I was not going to leave her to die!"

There was a strange snap and a fizzling sound, which made all of them jump in alarm. Still none of them removed their eyes...

Until the lights in the corridor began to flicker.

"Bollocks!" Tash whispered. The corridors plunged into darkness for a second, and the angels began to move, each flash of light illuminating their approaching forms.

Several things happened at once. Saito was first to react, seizing the two girls by the backs of their shirts, and flash stepping back down the one clear corridor. Something blurred past him in the opposite direction as a momentary flash of light revealed all three angels at the crossroad, facing the same way, their arms outstretched for their pray. Miriku screamed, and Tash's legs gave way beneath her. There was a zapping sound, and the sound of dimensions shifting...

Then the corridor plunged into complete darkness.

Everything was silent, save for Miriku's quiet sobs, and Tash's hard breathing, as she combated the latest head rush. Something was moving up ahead, but none of them could see anything. Saito was motionless beside them, still gripping tightly to the backs of their necks...

Then a familiar voice spoke.

"Everyone okay?"

Miriku stopped crying immediately.

"Aniki!"

The lights snapped back on, revealing Michael, red faced and exhausted from running all the way there. The angels were nowhere to be seen. Miriku didn't care though, relief filling her limbs better than any adrenalin, as she launched herself off the floor, out of Saito's grasp, and into Michael's arms.

"Thank God...thank God..."

"What happened to the angels?" Saito's voice was sharp. For an answer, Michael raised his right hand. Clutched there was his plothole generator.

"Waited until they were close enough together and opened a plothole underneath them," he said. "Sent them back to the Doctor Who fandom." He frowned in thought for a moment. "Think I dropped them in a black hole actually...but even if that doesn't kill them, at least they're back in the right fandom now."

The Counter Guardian sniffed and pulled out a cigarette. "I can safely say that that was the worst staring contest of my life..."

And striking a match on the bookcase, he marched off without another word.

"The Library is a no smoking zone!" Michael shouted after him.

"He did save us," Miriku reminded him quietly. "Kept the third angel still..."

She wondered why Tash was being so silent...before noticing that her sister was slumped on the floor in a dead faint. Miriku sighed.

"Got out of bed too quick," she muttered. Michael pouted.

"You mean she wasn't even conscious for my crowning moment of awesome?" he whined. "Aww man!"

OOO

Glancing left and right, just in case there were any Doctor Who villains waiting in the shadows, Aramayis wandered down the corridor, taking the right turning and continuing on his way. He had no particular destination in mind, save maybe for finding a quiet place to be for a little while. It was a good idea for one or two of the Counter Guardians to be around in the Library to assist the new Librarian if needed – particularly now that said Librarian was incapacitated. However magical the building was, the books did not arrange themselves.

The Counter Guardian pushed his way into a new section of the Library, wondering briefly where he was. He did not have to wonder for very long however, as his vision was suddenly obscured by the towering structure in front of him.

Someone had pulled all the manga volumes off the shelves. The dust in the air was thicker than usual from the disturbance, and the place seemed strangely empty without the books making the shelves look full and grand. Now they just looked skeletal, and stripped of their flesh. Instead, the books now stood stacked, rows upon rows, forming a towering structure that loomed over the Library. On the corners of the structure, short raised towers had been constructed, and from within the walls of books, he could hear the odd sounds of sloshing water, and the distinct scent of rubber...

A blue head poked up over the top of the manga fort.

"Oh..." Aster sounded disappointed. "It's you."

Aramayis sweatdropped. "Well, I can see that you've had a very productive day..."

"Shh!" a second, dog eared head appeared. Chrys was hefting a water balloon in one hand, the other hand pressing a finger to her lips. "The zombie snowmen will be launching their second wave soon! They'll hear you!"

Confused, Aramayis glanced cautiously around, expecting another Doctor Who villain to appear. He saw no enemy, however what he did notice, were two active holographic projectors.

"I see..." he muttered, realising that either Chrys or Aster must have moved the projectors in here, and decided to set them up to have some fun – though he wondered where on earth they got the idea for zombie snowmen.

"Come join us!" Chrys grinned. "We need someone to guard the rear towers!"

"He won't want to," Aster huffed, folding her arms over her chest, before adding quickly. "Will you?"

Aramayis was torn. The Counter Guardian in him was rebelling at the thought of messing around in a fort of manga for the rest of the day...but now that Aster had said that, he was sorely tempted to join in just to prove her wrong.

He didn't have long to make a choice however, as the projectors hummed to life, and the aforementioned zombie snowmen appeared, lumbering toward the manga fort. Aster and Chrys raised their ammunition and took aim.

"Fire at will!" Aster cried. The assault was released in a whirl of bright colours and loud splashes.

Realising that he preferred above anything else to have his dignity intact, Aramayis bolted from the room before one of those balloons could hit him by accident.

OOO

After much poking, prodding and screaming at the Library's computer system (neigh on impossible to operate without Phoenixia there to help), Harriet managed to confirm that all the Doctor Who villains had been cleared out of the Library. In the absence of anymore angels, she restarted the security system, and double checked that the footage from earlier had been wiped – the last thing any of them wanted was another angel trying to get in through the images.

She called the medical wing for a report on Tash's progress. The Librarian had been returned to bed, and was sleeping off the rest of the drug. Under Valerie's orders, she was also not to move from her bed for the next twenty four hours, until they could be positive that she was completely okay.

With that all said and done, Harriet marched through the corridors of the Library on her next mission. She had a book to find.

The Library's corridors were quickly repairing themselves in the aftermath of the fight. As the founder passed, books slid back onto the shelves, which reassembled themselves in pristine condition. You'd never have thought that they had been blasted apart mere minutes ago. Watching her step, Harriet scoured the corridor for the right room. It had to be here somewhere.

"Looking for me, Hati?"

Harriet raised her head to see Emily, paintbrushes and tubes of paint down the front pocket of her dungarees, and her artists box in one hand. The eleven year old appeared to have just sat down in front of the newly repaired wall, clearly already thinking of ways to utilise the blank space before her.

"No, I'm looking for the eighteenth century women's writing," Harriet explained. "Have you seen it recently?"

Emily's love of anything feminist came in handy from time to time, and this was one such occasion. She pointed a paintbrush down the corridor. "Second door on the left."

The founder was gone before she could enquire further. Emily blinked and replaced the brush in her pocket.

"Odd..." she muttered, before selecting a pencil and sketching on the blank, white wall.

OOO

After a minor argument, Valerie had decided to strap Tash to the bed to ensure that she did not fly off again. The Librarian had promised to be a good girl and stay in bed, though this promise did not comfort Valerie. Tash was the fastest agent in the Society, and no one would be able to catch up to her if she did decide to venture from her bed again. So the straps had gone on, though her arms were currently free so that she could have dinner.

Currently the healer was hovering anxiously over Tash's bed as the Librarian ate her soup. Tash still had no clue what had worked the healer into such a tizzy, but it was not her place to pry. Michael sat beside Valerie, his attention currently on the bed next to her, where Miriku was knocked out. The redhaired agent had been in such a frightened state when they had got back to the medical wing that she had consented to be sedated so that she could have some rest.

Everyone paused in what they were doing, as a cry of disbelief echoed from the feminist literature section of the Library. Several agents screamed, thinking that another Doctor Who villain had been discovered. The Counter Guardians present all rolled their eyes, wondering what could possibly be going wrong now. Everyone in the medical wing froze. The only person who didn't seem affected, was the sedated Miriku.

"That was Harriet," Valerie recognised the leader's voice. And she was not the only one, as Tash began tugging and pulling against the restraints securing her to the bed.

"Let me out of these things! We have to make sure she's okay!"

"No way!" Valerie pushed her back down, even though she knew the straps were adequate enough. "You're staying right there! Harriet is a big girl, she can take care of herself..."

The aforementioned came racing into the medical wing, a book of short stories clutched tightly in one hand, her handbag swinging wildly from the other.

"Hati, what's wrong?" Tash demanded, as the leader flung the book onto Tash's bed, and began ducking under the ones beside her. Valerie moved closer to better hear what was said. It sounded like Harriet was onto something huge...

"Gay Turkish pirates!"

That was certainly _not _what either girl had expected.

"What?" Tash deadpanned, screaming in protest as Harriet leaped up and yanked back Tash's covers to check beneath them.

"Gay Turkish pirates!" the leader repeated, equally hysterical.

"Is this what you're looking for?" Valerie asked, holding the plothole generator at arms length in case Hati decided to bite. The leader snatched it, and raced toward the door, still keeping up her cry of "gay Turkish pirates!".

"What was that all about?" Valerie asked curiously, as Tash reached forward in her bed for the book that her friend had discarded. She flicked to the contents page, her finger running down the list of titles, before her jaw dropped open and she gasped.

"Oh my God! Lisa! Gay Turkish pirates!"

"...that really doesn't answer my question," Valerie informed her.

OOO

Three hours later, there was no sign of Harriet. According to Claire, she had raced into the monitor room, opened a plot hole and vanished with no word except for her strange mantra of "Gay Turkish pirates". Understandably confused, Claire hadn't known what to make of the situation, and so had ventured to the medical wing to inform Tash. She now sat with Michael between Tash and Miriku's beds, occasionally stealing bits of Miriku's untouched food.

There was however sign of Phoenixia, as a plot hole opened in the medical wing, and the violet eyed woman stumbled out, looking strangely shell-shocked, and most conspicuously, completely alone.

"Where's the Stu?" Tash asked, marking her place in her book with her finger. The ex-hologram shook her head, before finally getting her words out.

"It finally happened," her voice was somewhere between a surprised shout, and a moan of utter disbelief. "I killed a man with my breasts!"

And she wandered absently out of the wing, presumably to head to the Zord to relax.

"Hooray for noodle implements!" Michael cheered, punching the ceiling. Claire and Tash giggled at him, and went happily back to stealing their little sister's dinner.

OOO

* * *

**A/N: **The scene with the iPod Daleks going on youtube, was parodied off a video that exists on Harriet's facebook page. Go to Hati's facebook page, look at her videos and click on "Hari exterminated" to see the inspiration.

The next fic in this little arc may be written by me, or if I can nag her enough, it may be written by Harriet. We shall see.


End file.
